If Kids Could Tell Us What They Really Meant…

If kids had all the words, the emotional awareness, and the confidence to speak their needs clearly, parenting would feel much simpler. But the truth is…they don’t. Not yet.

So instead of telling us how they feel, their emotions often show up through behaviour.

And that’s where things can get confusing, because what looks like defiance, disrespect, or attitude is often something much softer underneath.

Kids do well when they feel safe, understood and connected. And when that safety slips, even just a little, their behaviour becomes a message.

Let’s look at what they might be trying to say:

1)      When a child says nothing and slams a door

They’re probably feeling frustrated because their feelings are too big for them to hold right now. And they don’t know how to make you understand.

2)      When they’re clingy and won’t give you space

They likely feel that their body doesn’t feel safe and they need you close until it does again.

3)      When they talk back or get sassy

They may be feeling powerless. They are probably trying to feel in control of something…anything.

4)      When they melt down over something small

There’s a chance they’ve been holding it together all day, and this is the moment they couldn’t any longer.

5)      When they shut down and retreat

This often happens when children are scared to say the wrong thing and if they don’t try, they can’t fail.

We sometimes forget that children are…well children. They haven’t had decades of practice identifying emotions, regulating them, and communicating them with clarity. Heck, most of us adults still struggle with this.

Therefore, their behaviour becomes their language. We need to read the need behind the behaviour instead of their reaction, and this is where everything changes.

If we can change our thought process from, “what’s wrong with you?” to “what’s happening inside you?” it can make a big difference.

This is where we can connect with our child. It’s where their self-worth grows. It’s where confidence grows.

As I always say, “Our kids don’t need us to be perfect.” I was far from it - they don’t want every moment to go smoothly. They just need to feel safe to be human around us.

So, the next time your kid’s behaviour feels loud, messy, and confusing, remember:

There is always a feeling underneath the reaction. And there is always a need underneath the feeling.

When kids feel seen, they learn to see themselves and that is the foundation of life long emotional wellness.

Until next time…