The Words Kids Learn to Believe: How Affirmations Build Positive Self-Talk

One day, the voice your child hears most often won’t be yours. It will be their own.

And that’s one of the reasons I believe so strongly in teaching children positive self-talk while they’re young.

Our children are constantly forming beliefs about themselves.

I can’t do this.

What if something bad happens?

Everyone else is better than me.

I’m scared.

I’m not good enough.

We can’t prevent every worried, fearful or negative thought from entering our child’s mind. And we shouldn’t try to.

But we can teach them that they don’t have to believe every thought they have.

We can help them develop another voice—the one that says:

I can handle this.

I am safe right now.

I can be scared and still be brave.

I am enough.

I can ask for help.

That’s where affirmations can become such a powerful tool.

Affirmations Aren’t About Pretending Everything Is Fine

Sometimes affirmations get dismissed as simply repeating positive words.

But when we use them intentionally with children, they can be so much more.

An affirmation can give a child something helpful to say to themselves when their thoughts are telling them something frightening.

Instead of:

“What if I can’t do it?”

They can learn:

“I can take it one step at a time.”

Instead of:

“Something bad is going to happen.”

They can practice:

“I am safe in this moment.”

Instead of:

“I’m too scared.”

They can remind themselves:

“I can feel scared and still do hard things.”

The goal isn’t to make the uncomfortable feeling disappear.

The goal is to give children another thought to reach for when worry, anxiety or fear gets loud.

This Is One of the Lessons Behind Lumi’s Magical Bubble

This idea is at the heart of my children’s book, Lumi’s Magical Bubble.

Lumi learns that thoughts can be noticed—and that she can choose thoughts that help her feel calmer, safer and stronger.

I often describe thoughts like bubbles. A thought can float into our mind without becoming who we are.

We can notice it.

We can name it.

And sometimes, we can choose a different thought.

That is such an important skill for children to learn.

Instead of teaching a child, “Don’t worry,” we can teach them what to say to themselves when they do worry.

That’s a skill they can carry with them long after we’re no longer standing beside them.

Affirmations for Worry

Try these with a child whose mind tends to jump to “what if?”

• I am safe right now.

• I can handle one thing at a time.

• I don't have to solve everything right now.

• My thoughts are not always facts.

• I can let this worry pass.

• I can ask for help when I need it.

• I have handled hard things before.

• I can focus on what I know right now.

Affirmations for Anxiety

When your child feels overwhelmed, try:

• I can slow down and breathe.

• I am safe in this moment.

• This feeling will not last forever.

• I can take this one small step at a time.

• I don't have to have everything figured out.

• I can notice my thoughts without believing all of them.

• My body can feel nervous and I can still be okay.

• I am stronger than this moment feels.

Affirmations for Fear

When your child is afraid to try, go somewhere new or do something difficult:

• I can be scared and still be brave.

• Being brave doesn't mean I'm never afraid.

• I can try even when I'm nervous.

• I don't have to do everything at once.

• I believe in myself.

• I can do hard things one step at a time.

• I am allowed to ask for help.

• I am proud of myself for trying.

Affirmations Every Child Deserves to Hear

And some affirmations aren't about getting through a difficult moment at all.

They're simply messages we want children to carry with them:

I am loved.

I am enough.

I belong.

My feelings matter.

My voice matters.

Mistakes help me learn.

I don't have to be perfect to be proud of myself.

I am growing every day.

I am worthy of kindness—including kindness from myself.

Imagine what could change if these became part of your child's inner voice.

A Simple Affirmation Meditation to Try with Your Child

You can use this at bedtime, before school, before something your child is nervous about, or anytime they need a few quiet minutes.

Invite your child to get comfortable.

Ask them to gently close their eyes if that feels comfortable.

Then say:

Take a slow breath in.

And slowly breathe out.

Again, breathe in...

And breathe out.

Imagine a soft, peaceful bubble surrounding you.

Inside your bubble, you are safe.

You are loved.

You are enough.

Take another slow breath.

Now quietly repeat these words in your mind:

I am safe.

I am loved.

I am strong.

I can handle hard things.

I can feel nervous and still be brave.

My thoughts do not control me.

I can choose thoughts that help me.

Take one more slow breath.

And remember—you can come back to these words whenever you need them.

This Week's Family Challenge: Find Your Family Affirmation

This week, choose one affirmation as a family.

Not ten.

Just one.

Write it on a sticky note and put it on the bathroom mirror.

Say it together on the drive to school.

Whisper it before bed.

Use it before a soccer game, a test, a new activity or a difficult conversation.

And most importantly, let your children hear you use it too.

Maybe your family's affirmation this week is:

“We can do hard things one step at a time.”

Or:

“We can feel nervous and still be brave.”

At the end of the week, ask:

“Was there a moment this week when our affirmation helped you?”

You may be surprised by their answer.

Because the words we repeatedly give our children don't always stay our words.

Eventually, they can become their words.

And eventually, their words can become their inner voice.

Let's help make that voice a kind one.

Until next time…

— Wendy Demer
Author of Lumi's Magical Bubble and Empowering our Future