How-to raise emotionally strong kids by softening your inner voice

Parenting advice often focuses on what to say to our children or how to fix their behaviour. I mean, it breaks our heart to see them struggling. But one of the most powerful influences on a child’s emotional world happens quietly – in the way we speak to ourselves.

When I soften how I speak to myself, I’m already helping my child.

This isn’t about being perfect, none of us are. It’s about becoming aware of the inner voice our children are listening to, even when we don’t realize it.

1)      Children learn from what they hear – and what they feel

Children are always watching and listening, but they’re also learning how we respond to ourselves in moments of stress, mistakes, or overwhelm.

When a child hears self-criticism, rushing, or harsh inner dialogue, they learn that mistakes are dangerous and emotions should be hidden. But when they hear compassion modeled, something very different happens.

A child who hears compassion modeled learns:

·       Mistakes are safe

·       Emotions are allowed

·       Effort matters more than perfection

These lessons don’t come from lectures. They come from presence.

2)      Softening Doesn’t Mean Ignoring Hard Feelings

Softening how we speak to ourselves doesn’t mean pretending everything is fine. It means offering ourselves the same understanding we would offer a child.

Instead of:

“I messed this up.”

We might say:

“That was hard. I’m learning.”

Instead of:

“I should be doing better.”

We might say:

“I’m doing the best I can today.”

When children hear this kind of language, they internalize a sense of safety. They learn that challenges are part of growth – not proof of failure.

3)      Why This Matters for Emotional Wellness

A kiddo who grows up hearing compassionate self-talk develops:

·       Resilience when things don’t go as planned

·       Trust in their emotions instead of fear of them

·       Confidence rooted in effort, not perfection

This is the foundation of emotional strength. Not achievement. Not constant happiness. But the ability to be kind to themselves when life feels hard. And let’s face it, life is hard!

4)      A Gentle Invitation

The next time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, pause and ask:

What would I want my child to hear in this moment?

Because when you soften how you speak to yourself, you’re not just caring for your own nervous system – you’re teaching your child how to care for theirs.

And that lesson lasts far beyond childhood.

Until next time…all my love and support